Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Why are you not married?

Every now and then, I have to travel to Israel for work. Every time this happens, I get stopped at the airport for security for anything between 4 to 6 hours for questioning. It used to bother me to be treated like a common criminal for 6 hours, but now, I just got used to it

Yesterday, I arrived at the Ben Gurion airport at 5:30am, having not slept at all the night before and having had very little sleep the previous few days. At 9:45am after over 4 hours of interrogation, I was getting tired and in a bad mood. I was thinking that enough was enough.

For those of you that have never been to Israel, it is worth clarifying that ALL, absolutely ALL, the security officers at the airport are girls. They are ALL between 25 and 35 years old. ALL of them, I tell you. It is as if every good looking, young Israeli girl is working at the airport. Quite a sight actually. So, 9:45am, no sleep, gorgeous Security Officer (SO), asking me the same questions for the 100th time…

SO: “How long have you been living in France?”
Me: “I told you 6 times already, I live in Dubai”
SO: “Why are you coming to Israel?”
Me: “Come on, enough of this! I answered this question 25 times already!! Business”
SO: “Are you married?”
Me: “No”
SO: “Why?”
Me: “huh?”
SO: “Why are you not married?”
Me: “I am not gay! Do you think I look gay?”
SO: “So, you are not gay”
Me: “No, no, not gay. Not gay at all”
SO: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Sure? That I am not gay? Yes, I am very sure”
SO: ”So why are you not married?”
Me: “Not because I am gay”
SO: “Why do you keep telling me you are not Gay? Are you gay?
Me: “Gay? No, not Gay”
SO: “So why are you not married”
Me: “Is that relevant to me entering Israel?”
SO: “Yes”
Me: “Why?”
SO: “Because I want to know”
Me: “At what time do you get off?”
SO: “That’s none of your business, please answer the question”
Me: “Oh, I thought you wanted to get together afterwards.“
SO: “Excuse me?”
Me: “Well, you asked me if I was gay, why I am not married, you took my phone number, I thought you wanted to call me afterwards”
SO: “No no, it is my job to ask”
Me: “Your job to ask if I am gay and why I am not married? Give me a break, you want to go have a drink don’t you?”
SO: "No, I don’t! answer the question please
Me: “I am free tonight you know”
SO: “That doesn’t concern me”
Me: “How come? You asked me 7 times so far what I was going to be doing in Israel. I am telling you I am free tonight.”
SO: “Please, lets get back to the questions”
Me: “What questions?
SO: “Why are you not married?”
Me: “Why do you keep telling me that I am gay? I am not gay”
SO: “I am not telling you that you are gay”
Me: “Yes, you are, you keep asking me why I am not married”
SO: “huh?”
SO: “Answer the question please!”
Me: “Okay, Okay enough torture, I admit, I am gay”
SO: “no, you’re not”
Me: “Yes, I am. What do you mean I am not. Are you going to tell me what I am and I am not”
SO: “Sir, you are not gay, this is getting annoying, I will have to deny your entry if you don’t answer me, why are you not married”
Me: “what makes you think I am not gay?”
SO: “Sir, this is your last chance. Why are you not married?”
Me: “Ok, ok, Because the girl I love and have loved since I was 5 cheated on me last year with my best friend and we had to break up over it. Then we got together again a few months ago and we thought that this time it was for good. I proposed to her and bought her a beautiful diamond ring from Tiffany’s. The ring cost $11,291 and she accepted the ring as a token of our love. She cried when I gave her the ring. We spoke to her parents. They were also very excited and it was a really good time for both of us. I had almost started to forget the betrayal..”
SO: ”Okay, I see”
Me: “No, no, you asked, now let me finish. So, the betrayal was almost behind us when our best friend came to me with stories of more betrayals. I had to hire a private detective who came back to me with some damning pictures. But when I looked at the pictures they were a bit blurred so I couldn’t tell
SO: ” Enough sir! Don’t force me to deny your entry!”
Me: “Well, okay, to conclude she was cheating on me again and I lost faith in the institution of marriage”
SO: “Okay”
Me: “So you see, I am not gay, I just don’t believe in marriage anymore. It was a traumatic experience
SO: “Okay Sir!!”
Me: “Anymore questions? I have all morning and nothing to do tonight”
SO: “No, that will be it. Welcome to Israel!”

Herlock Sholmes

6 comments:

KareemFromEgypt said...

now that's the kind of story the old herlock used to write.

nice post :)

Nephthys said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nephthys said...

Don't u think that she cheated on u coz may be .. u r gay :P

i*maginate said...

If this story is true (the episode at the entry counter and the story about your love life) my reaction is.... UKHHH good riddance to that b* who couldn't decide for herself. Hope you find the right girlie - *ifs and maybes* don't belong in a real *dude*'s life. Good luck to you, fighter

md said...

I think his head has been hit by some Palestinian stone...

Will E. said...

So she didn't want to go out with you in the evening?